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23 September 2009

Free to a Good Home

To whom it may concern,


I’m writing to see if you can provide a home for my Mandoline. This nifty kitchen tool saves hours and hours of work. With it, you can slice things very fine very quickly. You just slide the to-be-sliced item back and forth over the veryvery sharp blade, and voila! You have perfect, uniform slices.


You can slice carrots, zucchini/courgettes, cucumbers, anything you can hold in your hand. You can also slice fingers, if you’re stupid. But wait! This Mandoline comes with a safety device, specifically designed to protect fingertips from the veryvery sharp slicing blade. This device cleverly grips the item to be sliced, keeping fingers behind a shield, where they belong. Only a very stupid person would use the Mandoline without the device, because the blade is veryvery sharp, and is designed to slice anything that passes over it--carrots, tomatoes, beets, fingertips, it doesn’t care. But WE do, so we have the clever safety device, which only a very stupid person would refuse to use.


Because sliced off fingertips bleed a LOT, and we don’t want to have blood all over our items-to-be-sliced, do we? And it’s hard to type with a bandaged finger--it wants to hit two keyts at opnce. And with a bandaged finger you have to wear a nasty-smelling latex glove in the kitchen to keep it dry and your hand will smell like latex all the time. No, no, we wouldn’t want that. That’s why we have the safety device. Which comes with the Mandoline. Free.


This Mandoline needs a good home. Don’t let the fact that it’s tasted human blood scare you. It really CAN be trusted...


Sincerely,


Stupid



Photo courtesy of Sur La Table

6 comments:

La Table De Nana said...

I have done exactly that!:(

Ouch!! I even just bought a new stainless steel fancy schmancy of my dreams one..w/ out the guard~ Imagine!

Keep it:) You will grow fond of it:)

Lizzy said...

Aww, you poor thing! I always get the willies when I think about getting cut with a blade. Ouch!

Kate at Serendipity said...

Monique, I wish it were the first time I'd done it! I must be a slow learner.

Lizzy, it was so fast that it really didn't hurt much. At first.

Kate said...

Despite your warning of this blood thirsty kitchen aid, I still want to own one.
What ever will you do without it???
Those paper thin slices are hard to come by with a knife!

The Gypsy Chef said...

I feel your pain. I've done just that! Ouch! I hear you only do it once. However, that doesn't apply to me.

Kate said...

Oh my goodness. You did slice your fingertips! I am so sorry. I don't have a mandoline and have thought about getting one....maybe I need to think some more...